I found an especially stupid way to waste time

I waste my time and you won’t believe how I do it, guys.

I waste my time in extremely large blocks of time doing extremely small, repetitive tasks, and I notice a pattern. Let’s see if you can notice it: I watch Instagram, doomscroll news, and play bullet chess and Brawl Stars. Each of these activities takes up to 5 minutes. One Instagram reel is less than a minute, and everything else is designed not to exceed the 5-minute mark. Doing them could easily take half of the night.

This is my complaint, and I want to elaborate on it a bit more.

How do I know that the time was wasted? It’s just obvious. There is a concept of my own time which I’m allowed to spend as I want, I will call it the time I sacrifice in the name of myself. And that sacred time is completely wiped from my memories.

My question is - why like this? Why bullet chess, not a real game? Why a reel, not a movie? Why 5-min Brawl Stars, not an hour and a half of Dota 2?

AI found an article about a similar thing: The Five-Minute Internet. The article is about online activity, Instagram Shorts, and so on, but in general it says two things: low-commitment activities and maximizing stimulation for the minimum time. I agree that a 1-minute bullet game requires less commitment than a full rapid chess game, which can take up to 30 minutes. But one thing I disagree with is maximizing the stimulation in a short time. I’d rather prolong a medium level of stimulation for a long time.

Whatever the scientific relationship between stimulation and memory is, I remember the movies and the Dota games. I do not remember the reels or the Brawl Stars matches.

While digging deeper, I found that I choose shorter activities because they’re easier to interrupt and require less commitment. Another strike of a shovel reveals the ultimate reason why I choose low-commitment activities for sacrificing my own time: I hide from you, guys. I’m afraid that you will see me watching Instagram. Yup. I watch Instagram, but if you appear nearby, I will instantly swipe it away like it was just a minute of weakness. Okay, the same is Brawl Stars. It’s a 5-minute commitment that I can stop at any time as if I hear footsteps nearby. Oh man, that’s ugly; many years ago, I’d play Dota 2, where a single game would require a preparation ritual: first - practice in the lobby for 5-10 minutes, then a warm-up match with bots where I tried to beat them in 20 minutes, then I jumped into a real game that would usually take an hour or so (2-hour games were not appearing often, yet were not nonsense).

Now of course I won’t dedicate 2 hours to a game. Instead, I will spend an all-nighter playing bullet chess. 4 hours straight… why not.

It’s all you, people. I keep doing the same short activity over and over, so when you interrupt me, I can serve you immediately. For some reason, I feel that seeing me having a good time will irritate you. Isn’t it true? A fear of interruption. I’m afraid that you will ding-dong my door and ask me to do something for you, and I will have to stop a good two-hour movie. I would say my habit of pleasing you guys went too far. I have to commit to short-term activities because I’m afraid I will irritate your little eyes by showing you I’m doing something you cannot influence. It’s your fault that I forgot how to spend quality time. I used to practice guitar for 5 hours before I built that habit. I used to commit months to a painting before. I used to read books like The Lord of the Rings before that, and it’s a pity that it is so short.

But wait… It cannot be true. That’s how I end up watching 10 hours of shorts. You do not interrupt my short-streaks. It’s all in my head.

Nobody is asking for my time, but I keep it ready for surrender.

Do you see it? The problem is all in my head.

Could my job take up all my time? Yes, it can. But does it? Apparently not. I don’t remember when I was called last time over a few months ago. Could other things interrupt me? Nonono. I already keep my responsibilities so low that it rarely happens. Maybe it’s still you? Maybe you keep interrupting me all the time? But whoever is interrupting me is already on mute; others are busy watching their own reels-shorts…

So the problem is entirely in my f*****g head.